In my defense, we had Dana over this weekend, and I rarely get online when there's company visiting.
On an intriguing note, we figured out how to conclude FtGG. May I say, it will be a grand finale. I'm quite excited.
Now, on to business. I have a lot of catching up to do.
Day 27 -- How do you envision your life to be?
In a word, different. My entire life has been characterized by rebellion. Not in the modern sense of the word, where rebellion is some sort of breaking free of tradition in a dangerous, self seeking, often morally debatable manner. No, my kind of rebellion is actually much more subversive, and much deeper than that. I rebel against rebellion.
To be more specific, let's take a look at my family. Nine kids, Christian, homeschooling, Military, and, to use another modern definition, bi-racial. The way my family has chosen to live life is contrary to every mainstream society in America, including mainstream Christianity and homeschooling. I view life in a way that very, very few people do. That isn't going to change.
So when I say my life is going to be different, I say this in a relative manner. To me, it will be the same as it always has been. But it will never be similar to what the world says life is meant to be like. As I grow older, this fact becomes increasingly more obvious.
Sometimes it scares me. There are few people who I can turn to for assistance. My life is not normal. The world doesn't know what to do with me, they have no self-help or advice guides that will give any sort of wisdom into what I should do. Even within my own family and circle if trusted friends, my life is my own, and I will have to write my own story within the story of our collective experiences.
I'm not afraid to be different. In fact, I crave it. It's something God instilled in me. To be unique, special, to offer something to the world that no one else can give, something that will matter. A saying I've seen circulating goes like this, "To make a difference you have to be different." This is a challenge and a frightening one. It makes me think of the old trailblazers who would set out into the Western wilderness with only their little group, forging a trail by trial and error, leaving marks for others to follow, but having no guide for themselves save their knowledge of travel and survival. Wisdom gathered from travelling paths brought together to create a new path of their own.
That's how I envision my life to be. Hard, but meaningful. I will never have what people call happiness, but I do believe, as sure as God is faithful, that I will have purpose. And to me that is far more desirable than happiness.
I do not know what specific events God will place in my life. I suspect marriage and children and writing. How, where, when, why, who, and what are questions I consider, and try to predict, even, but with a clear understanding that I will never truly know what God has in store for me until he gives it. I'm content to wait. His timing has proven trustworthy my whole life, and I will not doubt Him now.